Pickelball!

Seems pretty simple, right?  Just whacking a hollow plastic ball around with large paddles, and that's pretty much what it is.  The complicated part, of course, is the people playing it.

Never having smashed a pickleball before, I attended the beginner session.  Taking a cue from the name, I assumed this would be full of people who were... you know... beginners.  Here's how that went.

Sally: Seemed to be at least 70.  She introduced herself, asked my name, then commented "Oh that'll be easy to remember - that was my husband's name."  She went over the basic rules and played a game with us, after which she said "Now I'd like to play at my level", critiqued my footwear, and promptly abandoned me.

Bernice: Seemed to be at least 70.  She played a game with me, but she dropped a few F-bombs and was a bit gassy.

Joyce: Seemed to be at least 70. Fully coordinated sports outfit.  Pretty intense.  Wanted nothing to do with me. 

Agnes: For sure somewhere under 70.  Very friendly.  Good player.

Betty: I'm going to say a very young 70.  Good player.  Not interested in playing with me.

Kathy: Really old.  Doesn't move much.

Mary: Comfortably in her 70's.  Lots of attitude but all... in... good fun?   Probably?  

And me.  I am in my late teens.  I'm the only guy there.  I'm equipped with a fresh pair of Converse AllStars or maybe Vans, mesh tank with sweatbands, and bright yellow gym shorts with the white lining.  I might even be a tween at this point.  All I know is I suddenly got about 50 years younger.  But that's okay because I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm just here to see how this game is played.  Turns out, though, that's the least of the things you learn here.  This isn't really a beginner session at all; it's a session for people who have collectively agreed to play at the same speed.

Sally can't turn to the right.  Kathy has a bad hip.  Mary has a bad knee.  Betty doesn't want the ball hit directly at her.  None of them run.

That's all fine.  I get it.  Every one of these people tells me about their grandchildren.  I know where I am and I'm just one flash of poor impulse control away from being Billy Madison on the 3rd grader's dodgeball court, so I take it easy.  

These women are all actually pretty good within their limitations.  They may not run, and if a ball goes overhead they do not chase it down, but anything that comes within their approved radius gets hit and usually gets hit well, and sometimes they smash it, so overall this is a bit more complicated than it first seems.  Just don't try to smash it BACK.  When you do that, the tone shifts.  What does that shift look like?  It looks like you riding pine.

I certainly don't need to keep putting up with this, but I feel like leaving now seems insulting and the real challenge at this point is figuring how to break up with 7 women who will each have something very specific to say about it.  I don't know - I've never played that level of the game before.