Plagarism Happens

Dirt or Senility?

I get the same lecture no matter what I do. Since my very first car, my dad has lectured me about what a mess it is inside. Well sure. A teenager treats his car like a locker. I happened to have a rather huge locker in my metallic blue 1970 Chevy 350 Chevelle Wagon. My very next car was a sub-compact, and you could say I had a little trouble making the adjustment to the smaller size. On top of that, I wired in a couple of large home stereo speakers and threw them on the back seat, so that took up a lot of room. This all predates the subwoofer revolution, but I think it at least goes to prove that teenage dependence on maximum low-end is very real.

Yeah, so Dad would lecture me every time he saw the inside of my car, and he was right - back then. Eventually, I stopped eating in my car. Eventually, I stopped carrying my entire cassette collection with me in the car. Eventually, mp3 players came along and replaced all other media in my car. Eventually, my car stopped being my locker. Unfortunately, I made a lasting impression on him. Last month, when he was in my car, he had barely got his second foot in before he started with, "I never used to keep my cars this way" and, "I don't know who raised you like that", which are two things I have heard since the dawn of humanity. I mean at a certain point you gotta move past the "raised you like that" lecture, don't you? You know - as a senior citizen or something? Don't you hit an age where it doesn't fit anymore, or is this the eternal price you pay for being the runt of the litter? Did I just say "litter"?

Here's what Dad saw when he opened the door.

Well, it could use a vacuum, I guess. But dammit all, us barn-folk just don't have a lot of experience with them crazy newfangled things.

Press the Meet

If the candidate you like does something like this...

[transcript taken from Meet the Press]

MR. RUSSERT: ...said this, "To call that dream a fairy tale, which [xxxxxx] seemed to be doing, could very well be insulting to some of us."

POLITICO: Tim, let me--let me just stop you right there.

MR. RUSSERT: But, no...

POLITICO: No, wait a minute.

MR. RUSSERT: No, I didn't stop you. Let me just go through...

POLITICO: No, but you did not give the entire quote and so...

MR. RUSSERT: No, but you...

POLITICO: The entire quote was clearly about the position on Iraq.

MR. RUSSERT: But I'm...

POLITICO: It was not about the entire candidacy. It was not about the extraordinary, you know, abilities.

And again later...

POLITICO: But let's look at the--let's look at the...

MR. RUSSERT: But...

POLITICO: Wait a minute, let me finish.

MR. RUSSERT: It's, it's import...

POLITICO: Let's look at the entire context.

MR. RUSSERT: Well, let's just...

POLITICO: Because by 2004, Tim, by the summer of 2004...

...and so on. I can interrupt, but I can't be interrupted.

I take that as a bad sign. Why not let Tim finish? It makes me start to think that Tim is right about something and he's about to make you look bad with it. If he's not right, or you have a perfectly valid explanation, then be confident, let him finish, and then dismantle his argument.

Don't try to steamroll. It doesn't make you look like a listener.

On Pie

You know what I noticed? The slice gets wider as you go. It's like the more you eat, the more there is. This also works with cake. Tread lightly, my friend.

For more on Cake and Pie, visit Lisa Loeb.

Always Try Your Best

Six years and literally hundreds of millions of viewers later, no one understands this lesson more than the poor, regretful soul who "wrote" the theme to TV's "American Idol".

How Heatlh Insurance Hurts Healthcare Professionals

It's easy. Health insurance in this family runs well over $1000/month - and that's the going rate. That's not a "high-risk" or "pre-existing condition" rate or any of that. That's just what it costs. It's more than our mortgage.

On top of this, doctor visits cost us another $25 per visit. If you get into a situation where the doctor recommends a specialist, and that specialist wants to see you once a week (as in the case of a physical therapist, for example) then you're adding another $100/mo. to an already ludicrous insurance bill.

And just like that, your insane health insurance bill has dissuaded you from seeking care.


Dear MVP,

If you weren't already taking so much of my money, there might be some left for the doctor.

My World - And Welcome To It

I was gonna tear this sum'bitch down because I was all freaking out about having a paper trail and what would happen if the link fell into the wrong hands, but - and go figure - I've been nominated for a Thurber Award. If you got the mad skillz to use "but" and "and" next to each other in a sentence, then maybe you'll get yourself a Thurby-nod, too. Yeah, and I just did it again. So suck on that, bitches!

Truthfully, I was able to get an actual writer from Letterman's show to read a page of this here blournal. I might say it hasn't been a complete waste, but it totally has. Sorry.

Truthfully, I found it very helpful to write about the idiots my family and all their wacky shenanigans at Christmas. If I hadn't taken the time to think about it and organize the deposition story, the whole thing would probably just be a blur. This way I can remember what happened without having to dwell on it.

Untruthfully, I love blogs.

Truthfully, if I continue to do this, one day it will come back and bite me in the ass. Consequences will ensue. Possibly irreversible consequences. The odds are just stacked that way. Yet, here I am.

Otherwise, I'll let you draw your own conclusions about the "snowman" that stands in my backyard.



Much like this blournal, it's obvious that something terribly wrong has happened, but all you can do is stare.