How To Keep The Weight Off

Here's one just in time for Thanksgiving!




Stop having friends.  Get rid of your family.  Stop trying to be around other people.  Stop going to things.  Never speak to anyone.

There's an element of truth to all that, because it's abundantly clear to me that when it comes to diet and weight loss, you are on your own.  And not only that, but your efforts are sometimes met with actual resistance.  It's really hard.

If you, like me, limit your daily calorie intake, you will usually be seen with a pretty small plate of food.  A full 10 times out of 10, someone around you will comment on your food.  "That's all you're going to have?"  "How come you aren't having any ______?"  and of course the classic, "Where's your protein?"  hint: most foods have SOME amount of protein, but people usually mean "meat" when they say "protein".

I used to try to explain myself but now my overwhelming thought is genuinely "WHY DO YOU CARE?"

I don't get it.  I think I've lost perspective.  I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would look at someone else's plate of food and need an explanation.  I can't understand how it matters or even why anyone would be curious.  I can tell you, I haven't the slightest interest in what those around me are eating.  What I have learned is that as plates are piled up with food, some people are quietly observing.  If everything looks "normal" no comments will be made.  If something (WHATEVER THAT MAY BE) looks off, BOOM - RED FLAG.  WE NEED TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.

Following this is always advice on what things you should be eating, and of course questions about why you don't eat those things.  The problem, aside from having explained yourself at every public meal for years on end, is that keeping it short and polite really doesn't work.  People don't want to let it go.  I guess you are seen as a problem that needs to be fixed?  I remember I went to a party and explained to a girl that I don't like wine and she put her wine glass to my lips and began to pour.  You can say what you want about that episode but I think it just shows how people are taking way too much interest in what other people are having/not having.  In what manner is it important to you that I have [pick a food you like]?  It isn't enough that you enjoy it?  Oh, yes.  I have tried it before, thank you.

If anyone would pay me and if I was (were?) better at writing I could write a book, but I will sum up my findings real quick for you here:  If I am fat, you should be fat, too.  It's not a bad choice if we're all making it.  And a bonus: no one wants to be the only one drinking.

Never once has the response been "Good for you!"  Not once.  Instead what you get is a lot of other people's self-conscious bullshit.  Those are always the people who speak up, and the reality is, those people are everywhere.  Good luck, and good for you!

How To Lose Weight

I've lost weight a number of times throughout my life.  Sometimes I get fat.  Unlike some other people who can really carry it, fat is not a good look on me.  So every so often... hopefully not SO often, I get a look at myself and go "I'm fat."  Usually a couple of months after that, I do something about it.  I'm at the lowest average weight of my life right now and holding.  Let me tell you my secret.

Don't eat so much.  That really is it.  Just ONE thing; eat less food.  It works EVERY time.

Exercise?  No, not really.  Plus, that would be TWO things and I said you only need to do ONE.  Yes, I get out and stay mobile, but I don't do things like treadmills or jogs, cardio, etc.  All any of that nonsense does is make me very, very hungry.  It kind of guarantees that I will eat more food.  Yes, you have to stay active, but to me a workout routine has a way of being a means to its own end.  You really only need to be in marathon shape in order to run a marathon, and you don't need to run a marathon to not be fat.  You just need to consume fewer calories.  Pick a total allowance for the day and stick to it.

There you go.  That's my secret.  Sadly, this one simple thing turns out to be extremely difficult.  The problem is in the phrasing.  Allow me to rephrase.  Want to lose weight?  You just need to do ONE thing; change your entire lifestyle.

You need to eat EVERY day, and you can't outsmart that one.  Something you do every single day almost sounds like a habit.  An EATING habit you might call it.  One time I heard a cigarette smoker tell me that habits are really hard to break.  As an added bonus feature, habits are also really easy to get into.  One time I also heard a scientist say that us humans are even creatures of them.

So to lose weight, all you need to do is break all of your eating habits.  When you eat, where you eat, why you eat, how much you eat, and the worst one - what you eat.  These things are an integral part of your day-to-day, and if you need to change them because they are making you gain weight, that's a lifestyle change.  Those don't come easy, and the problem can feel overwhelming, insurmountable, even impossible.

But don’t get yourself lost in the woods.  Just remember, all you need to do is one thing; eat less food.