Tarragon
I love tuna salad. I wouldn't say that out loud for obvious reasons, but I love it completely. The flavor and texture. The way that it's so easily complimented with a variety of additions like tarragon, or even raisins if you dare. I like how it can be made more or less creamy depending on your mayo ratio... It's pretty fantastic. And of course, it makes me feel great when I eat it. I love it so much that it's actually part of my personality (which I also wouldn't say out loud.)
If you come over to my house, I'm going to offer you tuna salad. I'm sure you'll politely decline, but I will really play it off like it's no big deal to accept. I've got plenty and I want to share. Of course the truth is I really want tuna salad and I don't want to eat it alone, so I want you to have some. And of course I would never just say that to you.
No - for real. I want you to eat some, too. Come on. Let's both have tuna salad.
If we're all eating it, it's normal, which means I really can't be judged. We can talk about things while we eat it. Could be anything. Doesn't matter. The point is we are together socially and if we keep talking, we can eat more tuna salad. To a point I suppose, I mean we can't just keep eating until we blackout or are unable to walk or drive back home. You've got to keep an eye on it somewhat, but it does make me feel good and I really like it so I'll continue to find that balance - I hope.
If you don't like tuna salad, I'm still going to be pretty insistent that you have some. Certainly a little won't kill you. Here, let me fix you one and put it in front of you. My goal is to take it to the point where you feel uncomfortable refusing. If you have a serious aversion to tuna salad or any of its ingredients, it's definitely going to get awkward and will pretty much damage the tenor of this social engagement. It will hang like a pall over the proceedings, because like I said before (but not out loud of course), this get-together was really mostly about having an excuse to eat tuna salad. I'm not that interested in standing around and talking if we can't have it. I threw a party once that had no tuna salad and it didn't last long. People very quickly had other things to do.
If you seriously just dislike it and seriously just won't have any (and, again, it comes in many different varieties - have you tried them all? Have you had tried any of the really good ones?) well then we're going to have a problem on our hands. Maybe the problem is you like it too much - like it's become a real issue for you. I can respect your decision to stay away, but I'm just not going to call you to hang out. Not only do you really not like tuna salad, but being around you sort of forces me to question my relationship with tuna salad, and I just want to enjoy myself. I don't want to get bogged down in any self-examination or deep thought. That's the exact opposite of what I'm trying to do here.
The truth is, you're not going to do that well in a corporate environment either, where everybody is eating tuna salad at all those important meetings that intentionally take place outside the normal work environment. One of us is going to be feeling pretty good and enjoying ourselves quite a bit, and the other is going to be making that person question if they like tuna salad too much, and that is really not the place for the silent lecture, my friend.
Maybe you don't eat it for religious reasons, which is cool but I still judge you. You might be too into religion, you know? Still, there are plenty of people - most of us I'd say - that absolutely love tuna salad and love to get together and eat it. It is a good time and we like to find or create opportunities to revisit that. If you don't want any tuna salad for whatever reason, that's gonna be your problem to deal with and good luck with that but I'm gonna have some more tuna salad and enjoy myself because I love it and honestly I don't understand how you don't that's weird.
