Monday, September 15, 2008

Coke Adds Life*

*Warning: Use of certain Coca-Cola products may remove life

Let's say you were about to splash into a delicious and oh-so-fun-to-drink 8oz. glass bottle of soda. You'd pop the top and enjoy the whoosh of rapidly escaping CO2, then tip it back and feel the refreshment. You could be the type that savors the experience, or you could be the type that chugs away, pretty much just looking to get it done. Either way, you're enjoying one of life's simple pleasu... what the fuck is THIS!?

Is that a shard of fucking glass!?

Hell's YEAH it is. In the bottom of your bottle. And that ain't from your bottle, either. Look at that red paint. That's from another bottle altogether. If this bottle had a piece like that missing, it wouldn't hold any soda. What the hell is going on here!? Were you about to drink a hunk of glass!?

Holy shit! You can't be selling bottles of pop with fucking glass in them. Don't they check these things? How did that happen? How many bottles is this shit in?

And other questions. The real question is, what do you do? Specifically, what do you do, and how do you go about doing it? After you say, "I'd sue!" and realize you have no way to prove anything and that you have suffered no real damages, what now?

The FDA, The Consumer Product Safety Commission, OSHA, Corporate Headquarters, Local Headquarters, attorneys... little satisfaction will follow, my friend.

Oh, but we wash all the bottles really really good before we fill 'em, okay? Seeya!

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