Thoughts On Having An Affair In The Modern World

 I'm going to assume, once you have chosen a paramour, you will probably be communicating through modern means.  This will include text, social media, and whatever phone thing they think up next - but the one thing they all have in common is that they are all highly traceable and easily copied.  I think the days of The Cheever Letters are well behind us.

In light of that reality, you'd better be one silver-tongued son of a bitch, because when these illicit thoughts are exposed, that's your only chance of not coming off like a knuckle-dragger.

That's because pretty much all illicit thoughts are the same.  They all mention pretty much the same body parts and list of activities, and they're all going to sound dumb when a third party reads them.  

"I can't wait to meet up and xxxx xxx xxxxxx like xxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxx"  

Or "I want to xxxx the xxxx of your xxxxx and I want you to be my xxx xxxxxx xxxx.  Can you do that for me?"

Probably less wordy but I'm keeping it PG.

So assuming the affair will one day be exposed and these texts passed around, I think it would be a much better look to have drafted some real prose.  Of course you're going to look like an idiot if you try to sound like Shakespeare, and frankly where an affair is involved, you eventually do have to get down to business.  It's for sure a tough line to straddle between "My bounty is as boundless as the sea" and "Send nudes", but I'm not saying I have a real answer for you.  I'm just offering the advice.  

Keep it in mind when you go to send that text, that none of that super-fun naughty excitement you're feeling is gonna translate.  It's all just gonna come off like base desires expressed with middle school grammar.  See if you can't find a more poetic way to ask for those nudes or meet at a cheap motel.  You'll thank me later!