Toxic!

Kinda too bad that "toxic" has become a buzzword.  Nuclear waste is toxic.  Sulfuric acid is toxic.  Those are things that, y'know... kill you almost instantly?  Behaviors generally don't.  They might be abhorrent.  They might be emotionally devastating, but they aren't toxic.  

Doesn't matter though because language and communication today are more emotionally driven than ever, and the word "toxic" is highly charged, so that makes it the perfect choice.  It's all part of Rage Culture®, which I will not rehash here.

Masculinity has really been the main target of this adjective.  There's a concern that men are severely damaging themselves emotionally because of intense pressure to conform to some (unpublished) masculine ideal.  I don't know that there's an owner's manual that defines the masculinity that all men are supposed to strive for, but I'm assured it's out there!

Here's where I say something sexist...  

I think a lot of men just gravitate towards behaviors that have been pinned as toxic.  We don't tend to ask each other how we're feeling mentally.  We don't usually talk about our wives or kids or any family members.  We make up stupid jokes.  We talk about repairs.  We really tend to focus on things different from what women focus on, and I'm here to tell you, it isn't because we're forcing ourselves to think of these things.  We're not, secretly inside, hoping one of our buddies will start talking about an emotional issue so that we can all finally let our guard down and cry together.  Some of us don't even have much ability to cry. 

Of course some men aren't quite wired this way, which is totally fine, but the simple fact is those dudes won't really be able to hang out with the guys who are wired that way.  No different than how a group of guys that want to talk about NASCAR all day won't be seen with the ones who want to talk about Dungeons and Dragons, even if all these guys want to cry.

So go easy with your opinion of toxic men.  We're just following a genetic code that makes us the louche knuckle-draggers you so love to hate to love.  Plus, we went through all this shit with Phil Donahue like a thousand years ago.  We became sensitive men.  We bought sweaters.  It didn't stick.  Don't expect this will, either.