Monday, November 05, 2007

This Is The Ladder That Killed Me

What - circa 1952, maybe? All wood. Weighs 3 metric tons. Completely non-functional pulley system. Guide rails exhibit some "play".

Every time I take this thing out I swear is the last time. Man this thing sucks. It's not really fear of heights so much as it's a distaste for all the flexing that goes on as you climb toward the half-way point, which is also about the point where you start to think about how old this bitch is, and about how far it is to the top, and how come freakin' squirrels are such a pain in my ass anyway? Man, my chimney is up there. This sucks.

Since it doesn't have any ropes on it, I have to try to extend it while I'm on it. I can only get so far with this, and the top hits the brick detail on my chimney. That means I get waaaay the fuck up there and I run out of things to hold on to. That's when I start to hug the chimney a) because you can't just walk up a ladder - you need to climb, and b) because I know this fucking thing is going to snap on me. I know it.

See how the right side sits just a bit higher than the left?

The ground isn't so level here, but this is where I need to use it, so that's what you get. This sucks.

Anyway, you can't put a critter screen inside the chimney cap because there's just no room.

1 comment:

Nato said...

"Ain't no chimney high enough,
Ain't no fireplace low enough,
Ain't no screen door tight enough
To keep me away from yooooooou!"
- Ron Rodent and The Squirrels