Damned Glasses

Most of us roll our cars probably like once a year or so, right? So it should come as no surprise that a prominent politician from our proud state falls right within that national average. Ladies and gentlemen,


Ed Flanagan.

Yesterday, 'ol Ed was negotiating the same on-ramp he's undoubtedly negotiated thousands of times before, 'cept this time, he flipped 'er.


"I was getting off the ramp off of Williston Road, and suddenly there I was inside the automobile, and my automobile was upside down."

Yeah, pretty strange to be driving along and then suddenly find yourself right there inside the automobile like that. I bet I know what caused this, though. I bet it was your glasses. That's the first thing most of us blame when we flip our cars. Sometimes they just slip right off our faces. Anyway, he did say it was his "best guess".

"I don't remember that this happened, but that is the only thing that I can think of that might have happened that caused this freak accident."

Right. I mean, what other explanation could there possibly be? It has to be his glasses. I'd definitely look into it, though. Those sound like some pretty shitty glasses.

Even though it didn't go very well for him just one year ago when he flipped his car off the interstate, you might almost think that he enjoys the thrill of it.



"If anything, it's called an adrenaline rush. I've got it big time."

No, no. Infectious as it is, Ed is not in this for the thrill. He's gonna get right back on the road and be just as cautious as ever.

"I'll continue to drive.. and very safely... maybe even more safely, if that's possible,"

Come on now. How could you possibly be more safe, Ed? When I think "safe driver" I immediately think of you. Hey, not that they have any reason to doubt, but you should call your insurance company and tell 'em, "Don't worry. Now I'm going to be extra, super careful out there." They're probably thinking that anyway.

Oh, and remember a few years back when you were campaigning, and you ran all those TV ads using the Beatles' "Hey Bulldog" for the music (because you were "so bull-doggedly determined?") Yeah. You see, generally speaking, Beatle's music is fairly well-protected when it comes to usage rights and junk like that, so you not only used copyrighted material without permission, but you pretty much went for the top drawer, too. I don't know. Just always seemed like kind of an odd lapse in judgement to me.

Anyway, good luck out there on the road, and continued safe driving to you! Glad to see you getting back out there so soon after that coma you were in for a little bit. You should definitely drive more.